Delightning Review of Things! Self-tanner

A gazillion years ago I promised to report back on a self-tanner I was trying. Well here is my review: Don't use self-tanner. They say it won't streak, it streaks. They say it won't turn you orange, but it will turn you orange. They say it will give you a "summery glow." It gives you a "Oompa-Loompa-style paint job."

I won't even waste your time with the brands I tried because they all suck.

I'm just going to say it one more time: Don't use self-tanner. Especially if you're of British/Irish decent and so pale you're almost see-through in parts. And if you are already olive-skinned-or-darker, don't get greedy. You're making us see-through girls self conscious about our paleness.

  Lauren Conrad via We Heart It (I know, I know)

A better bet for summertime is a bronzing spray, something with a bit of sparkle in it but no orangey-ness. I like this one from Sephora.  It's fun, and gives your legs that "I'm a celebrity and I sweat glitter" look instead of that "I'm a creepy candy technician from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory that eliminates children from factory tours one-by-one" look.

Oh, and when you rub it in, your hand gets covered in glitter and you feel like a super badass Tinkerbell when you high-five Planned Parenthood canvassers on the street shortly thereafter.

Or whatever.

Coming up on the next Review of Things: Dry Shampoo


Quick reminder: I'm a hobby blogger (say that five times fast), and I don't get paid or compensated for reviews. In case you were worried about me telling you not to look like an Oompa Loompa was part of some great Sephora conspiracy.